I saw the movie by this name many years ago, starring Robert Pattinson. While I do not remember much of the movie, which I’d registered as somewhat quirky at the time, I do remember being intrigued by the title. Someone living thousands of miles away suffered from the same existential questions as yours awkwardly.
‘How to Be’, such a simple and profound dilemma. As an Instagram meme would have it, ‘don’t ask me to get out of my comfort zone, I’m literally always uncomfortable.’
I’ve done life for a fair number of years, yet haven’t found the answer to this not-so-simple question. Between taking my job loss remarkably well (and I do not say this lightly) and pining for one in the interim, I’d forgotten what to credit my surge in mental health to. I do not lack social skills, mind me you, however, I remain wary of office skills.
And lately I’m beginning to understand why. There is no getting away from work, unless you are a super privileged, born-with-a-silver-spoon kind of person, who gets by with a little help from their generational wealth. If not, you plough on.
You’re encouraged to bring your whole self to work, secretly trying to figure out what that whole self is and whether it’s a clarion call by the company or a courtesy one.
Whatever your conclusions and however disorienting the journey, being reintroduced to work will feel like accepting yesteryear’s viral ice bucket challenge, only this time the challengers have donned a mean hat. AI is the order of the day, and patience has taken a long walk. You are confronted with the versions your decade-ago younger self thought she needed to be to survive, only to realise you couldn’t (despite your lapses), and are all the gladder for it.
You also realise that 42 is not the only answer to life, the universe and everything – radical self-forgiveness is a formidable rival. If you screw up or get off on the wrong foot, go easy on yourself. No one else will. And if you can, make amends before it’s too late.
If, on the other hand, you’re on the other side, say a silent curse and move on. It’s never personal. The world has become too incomprehensible for old rules to apply. Job insecurity is an epidemic, and throwaway condescension, the coping mechanism.
At the very least, it lets you resolve the unspoken part of your quandary, how not to be.
